I had the pleasure of catching up with a bunch of great friends at a barbecue this past weekend. One of my friends, Jeff, has an adorable daughter named Heather. She is quiet when you first meet her; but when she starts talking, you just can’t help but smile at her cute facial expressions and the hilariously honest stuff that she says. I found this little girl to be so engaging and surprising- and as I watched her over the course of the evening, I was enamored by her personality and playfulness.

At one point, Heather came running up to her dad with two small wooden sticks and said, with exasperation, “It’s not working!!!” I had no idea what she was talking about, until her dad responded: “Well, hun, you have to work at it for a while.” Haha… she had been rubbing the two sticks together to make fire. Adorable. 

I couldn’t help but think about how familiar Heather’s reaction felt. In our daily lives, how many times do we respond to life with an exasperated “It’s not working!”? When have you last said that- about doing a project work, saving money, looking for an apartment, being in a relationship, finding peace of mind? How many times have you thrown your hands up and wondered, “What the hell am I doing? This isn’t working”?

As adults, I’ve noticed how frustrated so many of us get with ourselves for not being, well, perfect. When something goes wrong or we don’t produce the results we want in some area- or many areas- of our lives, all too often we start banging our heads up against a wall trying to figure out what we did wrong or why life can’t just work out better for us. 

We forget that sometimes, the answer to our emotionally layered question- “Why isn’t it working?”- is simple: “Well, you have to work at it for a while.” 

Too often, we expect quick answers and instantaneous results. But, real and lasting change takes time. True healing, true love, true success, true savings, true peace of mind… time is required to attain and develop all of those things. And often, the only way to attain true anything is to be patient on what may be a long and frustrating- but ultimately rewarding- journey. 

Half of the time, we don’t get what we are seeking simply because we give up at the first sign of things not working.One of the reasons I think we give up is because we don’t adequately prepare ourselves for the obstacles we might have to deal with along the way. But more than that, I think we give up because we don’t exactly know what we are looking for and how important that outcome is to us in the first place. 

Just think about it- have you ever been perfectly clear about the end result you wanted for something, as well as how important it was for you to make that end result happen? Didn’t you handle it- the project, relationship, situation, interaction- with more care and persistence than you normally would? I bet you did. You knew what you wanted and how important it was, and nothing was going to stop you from having it happen. 

In the book The Last Lecture (which I’d highly recommend reading if you haven’t done so already), author Randy Pausch wrote, “The brick walls (i.e. obstacles) are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

If you find yourself procrastinating, avoiding, giving up… take a minute to step back and really ask yourself, “Why is this happening?” I’d bet that, more often than not, it’s because you aren’t completely clear on what you are looking for- and why it matters so much to you in the first place. 

Once you know exactly what our dreams and goals are, you are free to really pursue them. And once you begin to pursue them, you can go into the process knowing that not every moment will be perfect. 

Maybe you won’t do a stellar job on a work project the first time around; or save money without giving up some of the luxuries you enjoy; or find an apartment without first finding a few perfect ones that you cannot have; or have a great relationship without a few disagreements and heartache along the way.

… But who cares? KEEP GOING ANYWAY. Whatever you really desire, you can have with hard work and determination- it’s yours for the taking.

Making your dreams happen is just like making fire: you’ve got to work at it for a while.

So, be patient…trust yourself. When you do, you’ll know intuitively that the very best is yet to come.